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I have really awful cramps and do not feel up to writing. Instead, I will share with you this delightful infographic which The Onion posted in 2001, of ridiculous phrases to use instead of actually saying the words period or menstruation.

A list, taken from The Onion, of Euphemisms for Mentruation

My favorite, by far, is “Falling to the Communists”, which makes me think of the anti-communist propaganda phrase “Better Dead Than Red” from the mid-1900’s. Since our current political moment includes so much absurdity that I really can’t laugh at –because it is actually affecting people’s lives– there is something comforting about laughing at the almost quaint-seeming hysterias (You know that that word started as being about ladies and their crazy wombs, right? Maybe I’ll write about that some other day.) of the last century.

So, I am now going to get my heating pad and pick something soapy to watch on tv. In the meantime, I will leave you with this poster for a 1949 film about the threat of a Communist takeover in the United States. As a movie, The Red Menace sounds pretty dopey, but if you imagine that it’s actually about the threat of America’s menstruating women instead of Communists, the poster takes on an extra layer of absurdity.

Promotional Poster for 1949 film, The Red Menace

Another day down, my friends. We can do this. We are neither red nor dead and we will live to fight another day! Oof, ok, I’m done.